Oh me, would every day be the Day of Lovers…days of special thoughtfulness and kindness, of warm gazes and lovely gestures for and by your significant other…

But alas, ’tis not the case at all…in fact, there are some otherwise well-intentioned folks who neglect even this day especially appointed for lovers…

”Oh, we’re beyond that”…”It’s just another day”…”We are way too busy”… or “We’re on too strict of a budget” …“He/she doesn’t care about all that”…the list goes on and on…

I invite you to ponder the following for not only Valentine’s Day, but for nurturing the most important relationship in your life….everyday.

Let’s clear something up first…If you are in a seriously committed relationship, perhaps even with children, do you really believe that the relationship you have with your life partner is The Most Important Relationship in your life? If your answer is “No!”, then ask yourself, “What relationship is the most important?“ The relationship with your boss, for heaven’s sake? You spend enough time and energy at work to make one wonder…Your best friend? Maybe your relationship with your siblings or maybe your mom and dad? Perhaps you consider your children as the most important relationship(s) in your life. Please do not misunderstand, all of those relationships are absolutely valuable and important and warrant love, attention, compassion and kindness.

However, I believe that upon consideration, it will become obvious to you that your relationship with your partner is your most important relationship, if only because your significant other will always be there to have your back and has the hand you will hold in times of utter despair as well as times sublime! Your best friend and your siblings have their own lives with their own partners (if not now, eventually). Your mom and dad, if still together, already have their most important person, but regardless, if they are still together or not together, they gave you life and they harbor an indefatigable hope for you to find happiness, purpose, fulfillment and love and they each fervently hope that you will find someone who will love and care about and for you, for all of your life.

Ah, but what about your children? It is not uncommon for couples to absolutely believe, and behave, as though it’s all about the kids. True, it is your charge to take good care of them, loving and teaching and eventually successfully launching them…but even as you do those things for your children, they are not the most important relationship in your life. Remember, your children are a product of the love you share with your partner. They exist because of you and your partner and because of the love you have and the love you made. What happens to the children if you neglect your relationship with your mate and that relationship falls into disrepair? What messages do the children receive from your attitudes and behavior toward one another?

It’s Top Down Theory – you take care of your love relationship and the love, trust and genuine friendship you share with each other will not only enrich you as individuals and as a couple, but it will also inform your children as to what real love and marriage looks like. And, all that sincere love and affection will inevitably trickle down and enrich your children, allowing them to meet their potential as successful and lovely human beings. And don’t forget, someday, they will leave the nest to you and your partner to continue on together.

So, back to Valentine’s Day…What follows are a few tried, true, but never tired ways to court your lover whether she/he is a new love or your lifetime partner…

Love is especially sweet and enduring when you are indeed lovers…so perhaps an evening of cuddling and sweet intimacy might be especially meaningful…great rambunctious sex has its place, no doubt! But tender, sweet lovemaking says “I adore you”…a lovely sentiment for this special day…

Lovers of the strongest kind are also very, very good friends who enjoy one another’s company. So in addition to, or even foregoing a special or expensive dinner or gift, try giving your complete and undivided attention to what the other has to say, really listening without giving unsolicited advice and especially withholding criticism…fabulous eye contact and a little hand holding really seals the deal!

Of course, a special day or evening is always appreciated, as well. You know dinner, flowers and candy are always welcome, but they are really sort of impersonal and require little forethought about what your lover really would appreciate and enjoy…it need not be a great big or expensive gesture, but some way of saying that I really know and appreciate you for who you are and for the things you do daily to keep us and our family going. Be sure to express yourself in a way that can be heard and understood by your partner, using his/her own unique language of love.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY