As a couples therapist for more than twenty years, two of the biggest complaints that I hear from those I work with are “lack of communication” and “lack of, or boring, sex life.” Writing for the Huffington Post, Emma Nicholson talks about her own sexual experience after several years of marriage. She suggests that lighting a fire in the erogenous zones starts with lighting pun the mind! Here are her 7 Surefire Way to Improve Your Sex Life (you can read the entire article here):
“1. Write an erotic story: Every couple has trouble communicating their needs and, let’s face it, during the act is not the time to break out the instruction manual. I wrote an erotic story and included every known male fantasy as well as what I wanted from my husband (as well as making my boobs perky and butt ‘ass-tastic.’ Hey, it was my fantasy, too.) Now, I have no intention of actually doing some of those things, but it drove my husband wild thinking about them and knowing I had thought about them, too. You know his buttons, so press them!
2. The carefully-placed sex toy: I am not a big fan of sex toys even though they do now come in lavender or fuchsia, are adorned with feathers and have cute names (by the way, it’s kinda awkward doing the nasty with something called “The Bunny” or an equally cute name. Just sayin’.) I did, however, buy a reasonable facsimile of the male sex organ (give or take five inches or so) and left that sucker in the shower for my husband to see. The look on his face was priceless: “Did you just…?” “Oh, shoot. Did I leave that in there?” As I sashayed off to make breakfast. The answer was “Yes, I did use it to get to places on my back my loofah couldn’t reach,” but I didn’t let him in on that little factoid. Let his thoughts run wild with what you may, but probably didn’t, do with sex toys.
3. Dress for sex-cess: On said night burned into my husband’s memory 10 years ago, I pulled out all the stops with my hair, makeup, stripper shoes, thigh high hosiery, etc. Funny, I don’t remember the sex being all that memorable because we were nervous, but apparently, that outfit made him forget the important stuff. So, last week I pulled the outfit back out and told him I needed to talk to him in the bedroom in five minutes about something very important. When he walked in and saw me in that outfit, he was immediately taken back 10 years to that great night. Now, he’s talking about Thursday of last week instead of a decade ago. And apparently, if the sex is good, you only need one outfit. What a bargain!
4. The perfectly-timed sexy comment: I’ve read over and over about how men think about sex a lot, but did you know it’s almost 60 times a day for the average male? And just how many of those times do you think it’s about you in your fuzzy slippers and sweats, which is how he last saw you this morning? Well, I have the solution and you don’t even need to brush your hair or teeth to be effective: Just as he’s walking out the door, pull him close and whisper “I want to do (fill in the blank according to your needs) to your (well, obviously there’s one option with a man) as soon as you get home. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll take a shower to hold me over.” Double score!
5. Pay him compliment on his body, then grab his ass: Men love compliments as much as women and adore it when we make them feel sexy, too. This one is great for when you want to keep the heat turned up without having to take another damn shower.
6. Give him a lap/pole dance: Now this is just fun! Who doesn’t like to dance and feel sexy? Jut don’t try it in shoes that you can’t even walk in. I got a cramp in my leg while wearing some ridiculous boots and, trust me, falling over screaming in pain is just not a turn-on. Go figure.
7. Go grocery shopping: The grocery store has a wealth of potential sex toys and accessories. You can use your imagination and create a sexual wonderland in each aisle. What’s the benefit? Guess who’s going to beat a path to his car the next time you need milk and coffee for tomorrow AND come back all ready to go? It’s a win-win all around.”
What do you think? Do you have something that’s worked for you that you’d like to share?